A song popped into my head yesterday. It was a song I haven't heard in a while but have heard a fair amount in my lifetime. Until yesterday I thought it was a love song or something. Then I started thinking of the words and boom! the familiar ache came.....when I realized what they really said...
"Over Mountains Over Trees Over Oceans Over Seas. I'll be there
In a whisper on the wind On the smile of a new friend Just think of me And I'll be there
Don't be afraid, oh my love I'll be watching you from above And I'd give all the world tonight, To be with you Because I'm on your side, And I still care
I may have died, But I've gone nowhere Just think of me, And I'll be there
On the edge of a waking dream Over Rivers Over Streams Through Wind and Rain I'll be there Across the wide and open sky Thousands of miles I'd fly To be with you. I'll be there"
I don't know exactly where I am on the stages of grief. It seems like they kind of circle around every few months. I get stuck between depression and acceptance somewhere. I am always trying to find a way to feel close to my sister, because I can't accept not "feeling" her again until I die. When I don't get any special feelings or I start to doubt it then I get worried that feeling loved ones on the other side isn't possible. Songs like this one give us hope that we can....On the smile of a new friend? on the edge of a waking dream? I hope so.
It feels kind of like a puzzle sometimes. Like I am given a little piece but I can't put the whole thing together and get the experience that I feel like I need.
It is weird to me how I can have a healthy family, husband children, etc.... and still feel so sad and incomplete without my sister. I don't get it. And you really can't "get it" until someone really close to you dies.
Not all days do I feel that overwhelming ache. And some things do make me happy, and remind me of my sister. Like the poem I wrote here . But it is also interesting how some days I will feel like it's a physical pain in my heart when I am missing her so badly.
anyways here is the song if you want to hear it, or you don't recognize it by the lyrics.
Maybe me randomly thinking of this song was an answer.....or a prompting?........
LAMDA Fight Night & SM1 Design Exhibition
10 years ago
4 comments:
man, it sounds so hard! Sorry cherish. Your post makes me want to hug all my sisters and make the most of every moment with them. and not just them but everyone I'm close to. I haven't lost anyone SUPER close so i don't really understand but thanks for sharing your thoughts cuz it makes me want to be better. Love ya! (and thanks for the book suggestion. i'm excited to look at it!)
Death Sucks. Mostly for us left behind. You are handling the loss of Gaylynn just as YOU should - grief is different for everyone. I love you and think of you every day!
Cherish, beautiful heartfelt song and lyrics. I am going to try to download it for Jordan. He knows his Mom is near. I feel like you. Sometimes accepting, sometimes aching.
ABSOLUTELY is the answer to your last question. The random thought of this song is absolutely your sister sharing something with your spirit! I believe anyway. She's telling you to think of her, and she will be there. I think the thoughts and memories of loved ones that have died is what keeps them alive. You will always have an ache in your heart for her that will weaken and grow at different times in your life. Just know that she is so happy where she is at right now and so full of life and spirit and she knows so much more about life and the hereafter than we could imagine! How exciting for her :o) Until you are with her again, just remember, you can call me anytime! I'm your "soul sister" :)
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