more thoughts

A song popped into my head yesterday. It was a song I haven't heard in a while but have heard a fair amount in my lifetime. Until yesterday I thought it was a love song or something. Then I started thinking of the words and boom! the familiar ache came.....when I realized what they really said...



"Over Mountains Over Trees Over Oceans Over Seas. I'll be there
In a whisper on the wind On the smile of a new friend Just think of me And I'll be there
Don't be afraid, oh my love I'll be watching you from above And I'd give all the world tonight, To be with you Because I'm on your side, And I still care
I may have died, But I've gone nowhere Just think of me, And I'll be there
On the edge of a waking dream Over Rivers Over Streams Through Wind and Rain I'll be there Across the wide and open sky Thousands of miles I'd fly To be with you. I'll be there"


I don't know exactly where I am on the stages of grief. It seems like they kind of circle around every few months. I get stuck between depression and acceptance somewhere. I am always trying to find a way to feel close to my sister, because I can't accept not "feeling" her again until I die. When I don't get any special feelings or I start to doubt it then I get worried that feeling loved ones on the other side isn't possible. Songs like this one give us hope that we can....On the smile of a new friend? on the edge of a waking dream? I hope so.
It feels kind of like a puzzle sometimes. Like I am given a little piece but I can't put the whole thing together and get the experience that I feel like I need.

It is weird to me how I can have a healthy family, husband children, etc.... and still feel so sad and incomplete without my sister. I don't get it. And you really can't "get it" until someone really close to you dies.

Not all days do I feel that overwhelming ache. And some things do make me happy, and remind me of my sister. Like the poem I wrote here . But it is also interesting how some days I will feel like it's a physical pain in my heart when I am missing her so badly.


anyways here is the song if you want to hear it, or you don't recognize it by the lyrics.
Maybe me randomly thinking of this song was an answer.....or a prompting?........